


Flowers Made Of Stardust

by ghostbfxx



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: A little, Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur is dumb, Author is trans, F/F, Flower Magic, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Better, M/M, MILD DYSPHORIA BUT IT'S ONLY IMPLIED, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Multi, Sorrow, Uncontrolled Magic, Uther sucks i hate him, author is bi, but not actually, childhood regret, escaping vs accepting the past, gwen and morgana are happy together, gwen definitely uses she/they pronouns, happy things happen too trust me, he's working on that, i think, magic and emotions basically work the same way, magic as a metaphor for being gay and trans, magic represents emotions, merlin does the eye flash thing because i think it looks good, merlin is implied to be trans, merlin is self-sacrificing and that's not very good, people die but they're not important, personally i think both arthur and merlin are nonbinary transmasc you know, soft, surprise arthur does have some braincells, warning for death mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostbfxx/pseuds/ghostbfxx
Summary: He had stars in his heart, they filled the night sky and he hoped desperately Arthur knew how to read them.
Relationships: Gwen/Morgana (Merlin) (only mentioned), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 65





	Flowers Made Of Stardust

There was always this feeling of regret. The feeling that he had missed out and wasted all of his time, with no way of changing what had already happened. 

Sometimes escaping was the only way to leave behind the past, but what do you do when the feeling that you spent most of your life up till now, knowing no one would ever possibly think to accept you, fills your every day. 

These thoughts sometimes managed to catch up to him whenever he looked in the mirror or realized he hadn’t been as careful with doing simple tasks...faster than he should have been able to. 

Maybe there was something inherently wrong with him.

Though, he thought, he would not feel as bad about himself, were he not to live in a world where people like him would be executed. 

So far he had managed. Having been sent away felt like a fresh start. Not that he would not miss his mother, but sometimes you need a little change to truly live. 

To be perfectly honest, he was actually quite excited to move to Camelot. Living with his mother’s brother didn’t seem like such a bad idea and he would surely gain a lot of experience there. 

He also hoped he would be able to get some help for his...magical problems.

When he stepped through the gate, he realized that this could be his escape from the past. 

Yes, Merlin would be quite alright.

-

He certainly did NOT think that the first thing he would see upon entering would be the execution of another sorcerer. 

A great start into his "new life", wouldn’t you agree?

Merlin also did not expect to have to fight the prince twice OR that he was apparently more powerful than any other sorcerer.

How on earth was he supposed to predict that all of THIS would lead to him becoming the former mentioned, idiotic prince’s manservant.

When he had pushed Arthur out of the way of the dagger, he wasn’t thinking about the consequences of that, he just knew he had to save him and as he grabbed him he could feel the silent panic that befell him and the relief when he realized he had not been hit.

And that somehow led to the king, Uther, thinking he should be “rewarded”.

On top of that, finding out with the help of a dragon, that was trapped under Camelot, that this prince, the oh-so-great Arthur Pendragon, was apparently linked to him and was his literal destiny, did not sit right with him. How could Arthur be his destiny if his whole life revolved around the murder of people exactly like Merlin.

It was funny really, considering that so far everything had worked out for Merlin. He had even made some friends too! Gwen had quickly become one of his closest friends and he cared a great deal about Morgana. Both of them spent almost all their time together and it was obvious that they made each other very happy. 

Another thing he took note of was that people tended to want Arthur dead and he had to save him almost every other week. Never would he have anticipated that this would be his life one day. 

There was danger around every corner and it was a wonder Arthur had survived for this long on his own.

Merlin had also noticed a thing about himself. He was rather careless about his magic at times. Of course, he knew the risks, but he still performed magic in front of everyone if necessary. 

Maybe he wanted to be caught though. Maybe he just wanted someone to know. 

Naturally, he would never actually tell anyone unless he had to. Despite his actions, he didn’t have a death wish or at least he thought he didn’t have one? Sometimes helping others and danger just blurred together and he didn’t have a choice but to put himself at risk. After all, if he could not save others, what good was he? What good was possibly being the most powerful sorcerer to live if he couldn’t even help others? He had to have a purpose.

It was probably part of his destiny anyway. The dragon being so cryptic didn’t help in the slightest and often Merlin wondered if he was trying to help at all or just confuse him more. 

Perhaps it was all a ploy to get Merlin to trust him. 

Did it really matter though? If it really was destiny, wouldn’t everything work out for him anyway? Did he by not knowing what exactly his destiny was, fulfill said destiny?-

“Merlin, are you even listening to me?” came a voice from directly next to him. Ah. He may have forgotten he was supposed to listen to Arthur rant about something again.

“Of course I was listening, your royal Highness. How could I ever dare to not listen to your melodious voice and your intelligent arguments. Forgive me if it seemed as if I had not.” Merlin replied with a grin, doing a little bow.

Somehow he and Arthur had managed to build a dynamic that worked for both of them, even though Merlin’s usual insults would get anyone else thrown into prison. 

Arthur gave him a look and then proceeded to talk about how awful it was to deliver speeches in front of people. 

“It is my duty to talk about these topics, but do you know how many people actually listen? None. It would be better to just have someone give the speech for me.”

He seemed a little stressed, it wasn’t unusual for him to complain about his royal duties, but this was different. 

Recently, Arthur had changed just a bit. 

It wasn’t noticeable to most, Arthur had gone on as usual, but Merlin could practically see the doubt on his face. He hesitated before voicing his opinion, he hesitated before making a decision, he even started asking Merlin for advice at times. Or completely ignored Merlin’s advice, it really depended on what kind of day it was.

It was almost as if Arthur didn’t trust himself anymore or anyone else for that matter.

“Arthur, the people love you, for unexplainable reasons... of course they will listen.” he said and lightly patted the other on the shoulder. 

Arthur stared at him for a while, then shook his head and sighed. 

He sat down in one of the chairs and signalled for Merlin to leave the room.

Merlin wasn’t entirely sure if he should apologise or not.

“Arthur, they really do love you and for good reason. You are a good person.”

Merlin knew Arthur still had a long way to go and certainly wasn’t perfect, but he was on the right path, he just needed a few more pushes towards becoming a great king. 

He would help him with that, he would be by his side for as long as Arthur wanted him.

Arthur sighed, defeated, yet he did not reply.

-

They were out, checking the woods, after one of the citizens came to Uther to explain that they had seen an abandoned and trashed cart in the forest. No person in sight, no horse, which should have been there, to be seen. 

Naturally, Uther decided to send his son, since they couldn’t let people get attacked in the middle of the day.

Merlin was a little worried that it would be a magic related incident and hoped for a different explanation as any “quests” Arthur and him had to go on always ended with him coming dangerously close to telling the prince. 

Arthur’s view on magic had changed drastically in the past few weeks and more often than not, he would criticise Uther’s way of ruling. 

It gave Merlin hope. 

He trusted Arthur to not execute him were he to find out about his magic, but he also knew that it could lead to Arthur possibly betraying Uther and he couldn’t do that to him. So he would keep quiet.

He could never reveal it. 

Merlin didn’t fear for his life. After all, he had tried to sacrifice himself many times for the people he cared about and while it was not his plan to die, he would if it meant protecting Arthur. 

In case of his magic being revealed, he would sacrifice his own wishes for the sake of Arthur not having to choose between his own father or him.

  
  


They found the formerly described scene pretty quickly, as it was not hard to miss with the obviously trashed cart. Supplies spread everywhere, one of the wheels broken, some red liquid on the ground, possibly blood.

They got off their horses and stepped closer. 

  
“Careful.” Merlin nudged Arthur lightly. The other only rolled his eyes and punched him in the shoulder. “When am I ever not?”

Merlin decided not to reply to that. 

Arthur hadn't been too thrilled to have been sent to check it out, but accepted, as was his duty. He had seemed a little fidgety at the mention of checking it out with Merlin. 

Nonetheless, Arthur looked around, before crouching down to touch the red liquid they had noticed. It had dried and took on a dark shape.

“I don’t like this.” Merlin remarked, walking over to take a closer look at the broken wheel. It wasn’t just broken, it looked like someone had deliberately removed it from the wagon and stepped on it. 

Arthur just rolled his eyes in response. 

Where was the carter? Had they been killed? Had they escaped? 

None of the supplies had been taken, considering they were lying all around the cart. 

Why would someone attack a carter and not take their supplies. 

And then there was the matter of the blood Arthur was currently examining. It was definitely not enough to have been a big wound, just a few drops.

Had the carter been taken hostage?

Why would someone kidnap a carter and leave all the supplies behind? Why leave behind any evidence of a kidnapping at all? It made no sense.

Why leave the scene like this, in the middle of the path, for everyone to see? Someone was bound to investigate it.

There was a rustling of bushes just a few meters behind them and it clicked inside Merlin’s head.

Merlin whirled around “It’s a trap. We need to go. Now.” 

But three bandits had already stepped out of the shadow of the trees, smirking, swords in hands. One had a bandage around his hand.

“Would ya look at that! The crown prince and his servant themselves. Didn’t really expect a big catch like that. What an honour.” One of them fake bowed. 

And that was it, immediately they charged at them. Arthur had already drawn his sword and attacked the one closest to him.

Another one reached Merlin, who scrambled out of the way, as always no weapon in hand. He should really learn how to use a sword. He couldn’t always rely on other people to save him. Or his magic for that matter. If he went on like this, someone would catch on and tell Uther. He would die without having been able to help Arthur become who he is meant to be.

The bandit swung his sword at him, which he barely dodged.

Were these bandits somehow getting faster? 

He swung at him again, getting way too close for Merlin’s taste, making him trip. He fell hard onto the ground, injuring his elbow in the process.

He looked up to see the bandit raising his sword to give him the finishing blow. 

Thankfully, Merlin had picked up a few tricks during "training", if that's what you want to call it, and tripped the bandit with his legs. 

In order not to stab himself, the bandit let go of the sword and hit the ground. 

Merlin rolled to the site and quickly picked up a big rock from the ground and hit the bandit over the head.

He was breathing heavily and dropped the rock, composing himself.

Sounds of swords clashing brought him back to the scene at hand. Right. Arthur was still fighting two people at once. 

Merlin glanced over to them. Arthur was skillfully blocking the attacks, he was one of the best fighters after all. And yet, it seemed he was not fully concentrated on the fight. 

He managed to swerve an attack and stab one of the thugs. Unfortunately that left his other side unprotected, which the second bandit used to his advantage.

“Arthur watch out!” Merlin cried out in hopes that it would make Arthur aware of the danger.

But it was too late. The bandit had made his move, which Arthur still somehow managed to block, but was thrown on his back. 

With one look, Merlin’s eyes flashed golden and broke a thick branch off a tree, falling directly onto the attacker. A move he had used a great many times, it was a miracle Arthur hadn’t caught onto it. 

Merlin darted forward at Arthur’s side, grabbing his hand. “Are you alright? Did you get hurt?” 

Arthur startled at the touch but didn’t pull back, staring directly into his eyes, hesitation evident on his face.

The concern and worry in Merlin’s voice were so obvious that even if he wanted to he couldn’t deny it. He cared too much. At some point Arthur would notice a pattern and realize that it was a little too convenient to have branches hit attackers every time they were in any sort of danger. But even so, Merlin would risk getting exposed over and over if it meant Arthur would stay out of harm.

“I’m alright, you can stop smothering me now.” 

“Oh. Right. Sorry!” Merlin backed away holding out his hand to help Arthur up and looking around to see the defeated bandits lying around.

“Well that didn’t go as planned.” 

Arthur stayed silent, still looking at him. He then shook his head. “Let’s just get out of here.”

-

Merlin was awoken by a loud thud.

He shot up, checking for any potential danger, only to see Arthur dressed in relatively casual clothes, sitting on the royal bed trying to put his shoes on.

Merlin blinked the sleep out of his eyes, realizing he had fallen asleep at Arthur’s table again. It hadn’t happened the first few weeks of his “employment”, but the closer they grew, the more often he found himself staying even after he had been dismissed. Of course it wasn’t right for him to sleep in the prince’s chambers, but he didn’t do it on purpose. Sometimes he’d stay to talk to Arthur or offer him advice and after he helped Arthur change into some comfortable sleeping clothes, he made sure the rest of the room was in acceptable form. Unfortunately, that led to him falling asleep at the table more often than was appropriate. At least it meant he wasn’t late in the mornings.

Merlin looked at Arthur, confusion clearly written on his face. “Who dressed you? And why are you even dressed in the first place?”

The other rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious and not something known to Arthur alone. “I got dressed myself, thank you very much. And I arranged for us to go on a little trip.” He eyed him up and down. “Good that you were already here, we’re leaving now.”

Now that Merlin was thinking about it, it was actually quite late already, he must have been very exhausted to have slept that long. More surprising however, was that Arthur had awoken before him and decided to get dressed alone instead of waking Merlin.

“Where are we going? Do we have to check out another place overrun by creatures? I’m really not in the mood for that today.”

“Good that no one asked you. I’ll be waiting with the horses.” Arthur smiled at him and finished putting his boots on. And then left.

The amount of times Arthur just left him standing like that got ridiculously high and Merlin wondered if he had done something. 

Arthur did not seem to be particularly upset, yet Merlin couldn’t help but worry if this was about something bigger or not. 

He got dressed as quickly as possible as to not leave Arthur waiting for long. 

On his way, Merlin racked his brain what this could possibly be about and the things he came up with weren’t good. At all. 

What if Arthur had caught on, what if he had found out about his magic? Was it the recent encounter with the bandits? Did someone betray him and tell Arthur? He did trust his friends, more than anything, but he also knew that keeping a secret could be a difficult task.

Would Arthur banish him, is that where they were going? Was he walking right towards the end of the life he had known? 

This was supposed to be his escape, his escape from all the bad things that came with being like him. Merlin didn’t hate who he was, but he hated what came with it. 

There were days when he wished he could take Arthur away from all of this and keep him safe somewhere in a house with a farm, where neither of them would have to worry. 

Of course that could never happen, Arthur was to be the king of Camelot, he couldn’t simply whisk away their only hope, even though he craved nothing more than doing exactly that. 

Merlin opened the door and joined Arthur. Without another word they set off, Merlin following a little behind, since he didn’t even know where they were going to go.

Would this really be the end of his newly found life? Would destiny even allow for him to leave Arthur?

Did Uther know? Did he send them away, was Uther even aware that they were leaving the castle? 

If Arthur sent him away, how would Merlin even protect him? Sure, Arthur was capable of defending himself, but even he had his limits. 

Merlin found he would miss Arthur. Despite how they got to know each other, he came to respect him. The prince had been insufferable, but had changed for the better and let go of his father’s cruel ideals, at least most of them. There was still a long way to go and Merlin wanted to be there to witness it. He wanted to stay now that he had finally found a place that comforted him. 

A place so different from the original comfort he had known back in Ealdor. Merlin loved his mother, but even though she loved him so unconditionally, just like Will, he had felt out of place. It became difficult to live a carefree life and got into more and more trouble with the people there. 

When everyone around you can’t understand how you’re feeling, no matter how much they try, simply because the do not experience it, life gets a little lonely. It gets lonely and it does not mean you despise the people around you. Sometimes you just can’t get it out of your head, no matter how untrue it may be. 

There will just always be this little doubt that someone will see you for who you truly are and their former affection will turn to hatred. It has happened before, so why should Arthur be the exception.

Merlin knew Arthur wasn’t a hateful man and he trusted him, but sometimes even the people you are closest too, can’t convince you you’re  ~~ loved  ~~ cared about. 

Before change there will always be this tiny piece of yourself that will doubt everything and expect the worst.

There were moments that threw him into utter despair and the possibility of losing his newly found comfort filled him with dread. 

He knew that one day this would have happened, but he didn’t expect it to be so soon. The lies he told would be his undoing.

Naturally, Arthur’s reaction would hurt, but he would learn to accept it and move past it. He knew he could, he had to. He had to, for Arthur’s sake. 

Speaking of, Arthur hadn’t said a word since they left. Should Merlin apologise? For lying to him? He knew being lied to hurt, even if it was for your own sake. It was a betrayal of trust, the trust he so cherished. The trust that Arthur mentioned so often. Every time it reminded Merlin more and more of the truth he kept from him. 

“Stop here.” Arthur’s voice cut through the silence, completely neutral, no emotion betraying him. 

The horses stopped in the middle of a...flower field? Was this really where he would be banished? It seemed a little cruel.

“Are you going to keep staring or are you getting off your horse?” Arthur huffed, already on the ground.

He got down and sighed a heavy sigh, already preparing for what was inevitably about to happen. 

“Arthur, I-”

He was interrupted by Arthur motioning for him to shut up. 

Something was definitely wrong. Maybe it would have been better to tell Arthur himself, that way he would have at least got an easier to understand reaction and not whatever this was. 

Maybe he should have told him just to show Arthur that he trusted him. 

“Open the horses’ saddle bags.” 

Merlin hadn’t even noticed Arthur had brought them with them. He turned his back to Arthur, a gesture of complete trust, and opened the bags, only to find...blankets in them?

He was even more confused than before. He held them up, turning back to Arthur, an unspoken question.

“Have you never seen a blanket before, Merlin?” the prince mocked jokingly. “What are you waiting for put them down, I don’t want to stand here all day.” 

Ah. An order, something he could work with. He lay the blankets down, waiting for new instructions.

This was not going the way he had thought it would, maybe it wasn’t about his magic after all.

Arthur wasted no time, sitting down on the soft fabric and throwing his gloves somewhere into the grass.

“What are you still doing just standing there, I am very clearly going to lie down and so should you.” 

Needless to say, Merlin was more than confused. There was, THE Arthur Pendragon, lying in a field of grass and flowers? And he was asking Merlin to lie down with him? Not that they hadn’t lain next to each other, they had countless times, but it was only because the situation called for it. 

“Sorry that I can’t read your mind?” Merlin replied, still a little wary, but lying down next to him. 

Arthur gave him a strange look, but shook it off. “I was stressed, so we’re going to take the day off.”

“Take the day off? Don’t you have royal duties to do, like order your manservant around or tell people to fight you?” 

They were lying down just a little too close to be appropriate. 

“Very funny, Merlin.” Arthur was staring at the sky. Not much time had passed, they hadn’t gone very far from the castle. 

Did this mean that Arthur really had no idea about Merlin’s magic and was not trying to make him leave?

Should he tell him anyway or should he protect what little they had? Thoughts spiraling, he closed his eyes and breathed in. 

They were here together, with seemingly, no ulterior motive and he was supposed to enjoy his time off. 

Arthur had seemed very distracted these past few weeks and some time away from his royal duties would help him and Merlin certainly wouldn’t complain about not having to clean his armour again.

Merlin felt a light touch on his shoulder and realized Arthur was giving him a confused look. Perhaps it was a little obvious that the thoughts were running in circles behind his eyes.

And somehow that was worse. Touch was sacred between them, a gesture of trust, the trust he was constantly breaking. 

Merlin needed to stop worrying or he would never get Arthur to stop looking at him like that.

Yes, Merlin would simply enjoy this and not worry about possible banishment, or getting attacked out of nowhere, or the stupid, stupid destiny. He could do this, he could have a great time at the castle, this wasn’t any different. Apart from the fact that they were literally lying directly next to each other. For no other reason than that Arthur had been stressed the past few days. That hadn’t happened before, but there’s a first for everything right? 

This was just like spending time with Gwen. Exactly the same. 

The worry made his fingers buzz with magic and he fidgeted around a little to make it stop. 

It was going to be alright, normally things turned out well for him, yeah, usually they did. 

“Would you stop that, I’m trying to destress.”

Merlin tried to breathe more normally again, exhaling the air he didn’t know he was holding and turning his head to shoot Arthur and apologetic look.

“Sorry.”

He really needed to learn how to be more subtle.

As much as it seemed it, Merlin rarely had time for himself, time where he didn’t have to think about saving people. Of course, he did not mind having to protect others, if he was able to, he would. But despite his carefree appearance, there was almost always something on his mind. Merlin believed he lived a good life. He grieved for those he had lost, but he believed he could still be happy.

The sunbeams hit his face and a pleasant warmth spread through his body. His eyes closed on their own, as he breathed in the air around him, the way the flowers smelled and that one particular smell you always seemed to get when playing in tall grass. It reminded him of how beautiful nature was and how magic was connected to it. 

It was unfortunate how rarely he had a chance to go outside now. 

Back when he had still lived in Ealdor it was easier, since he was constantly surrounded by forest and all kinds of plants. 

Naturally, Merlin had not expected there to be a whole forest in the castle, but the lack of flowers was still disappointing. He sometimes found fallen flowers, picked them up and brought them with him. 

Gwen always brought the nicest flowers for Morgana and he would gladly accept a flower any time she offered them to him.

He had started bringing flowers in for Arthur too, he never explained why he did, he just left them on the table in an arrangement. 

Merlin exhaled again, letting his magic reach out towards what surrounded him, lightly grazing the flowers and giving back to them. 

“Merlin I don’t mind you making flowers appear, but maybe don’t grow them directly into my face.” came an annoyed voice from next to him.

“I am NOT I don’t kn-,” 

Merlin sat up abruptly, opening his eyes and lo and behold, there were flowers everywhere. Primroses, white  Chrysanthemum, pink and white Carnations and Daisies. They hadn’t been there before and now they were everywhere around them. 

“I didn’t do that.” Merlin stammered out, desperate to protect his secret.

Arthur sat up too, to be on eye level.

“Merlin, I already told you, you’re not very funny.” 

Merlin threw up his hands in defence. “Arthur, it wasn’t me. Sorry to disappoint.”

Arthur shook his head and sighed. He had done that a lot in the past weeks, just sighing into the silence. 

“You’re trying to tell me the flowers, that were clearly not here a second ago, just appeared out of nowhere and you didn’t magically grow them for some reason.”

“Yes…?”

This wasn’t going well for him, he needed to come up with an explanation quickly.

Arthur picked up his hand again, which he had previously dropped and placed it on Merlin’s. 

Merlin locked eyes with Arthur and in the most deadpan voice he could master he said “The soil around here is very good and sometimes when there was magic in the rain, they grow faster.” 

Yes, he did just make that up, yes it made no sense at all, but Arthur had believed less believable lies before, this could work.

Arthur only nodded. 

Okay, crisis averted.

  
“Yeah and next you want to tell me you’re actually the king of Camelot.”

Merlin was done for, he had no way of saving himself, this was it.

“Stop looking like you’re about to die, I’ve known about your magic for way longer than you think.”

Merlin’s eyes shot up again, debating for a second to deny it again, but decided against it. “You know?”

“Did you really think I would not notice all the times you used magic to, quite literally, save my life. I truly appreciate your help.” Arthur’s voice turned soft and even gave a little smile. 

Merlin knew he had a hard time expressing his feelings and this was more than he could have wished for, Merlin didn’t save him for the acknowledgement of it, he did it, because he wanted Arthur to live. To live and to become the greatest king the kingdom had ever had.

But maybe that’s exactly how destiny worked? Maybe they were so close that they would always know everything about the other? That there was no distinction between who was who anymore. Hearts so close to another, linked by the harsh hand of destiny, they feel and think the same. They melt together, exist as one. 

Two sides of the same coin.

Arthur laughed. “You really thought you were being subtle. You truly amaze me sometimes.” he intertwined their fingers, “I’ve heard you call yourself the smarter one, I think you might have to rethink here.”

As their hands touched, Merlin could feel the magic under Arthur’s skin, he was made of magic after all. They were so fundamentally different and yet the same. 

Both of them had always had these little touches, it was how they communicated, how they knew they were still okay. Words sometimes would not even be able to convey how they were feeling. 

Communicating through words...wasn’t always their strong point. Listening to another wasn’t always either. 

Merlin knew he would have to say something and he knew there was only one thing he could say.

“Listen Arthur, I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I wanted to, I really did want to..” Merlin finally said, looking down. “My magic...I only ever used it for you. Only for you.”

He felt a little tug at his hands. Warmth. Warmth and understanding. So much understanding it almost felt too much to bear. 

“I know, you don’t need to explain, it is perfectly reasonable for you to not want your secrets revealed, especially considering the way my father rules.” A twinge of sadness. Regret. Mourning for what could have been.

“I promise to do better than my father. When I get the chance I will bring change to Camelot.” Arthur paused again for a second. “I won’t hold not telling me against you.”

Only now was Merlin beginning to understand that the people he cared about did not love him  _ despite _ his magic, but for all that he was,  _ including _ his magic. That his differences did not make him less lovable. Rationally, he always knew that magic wasn’t evil, he’s been told many times that magic itself was neutral and only the wielder could be judged. But even so, when you grow up in an environment that despises you for existing, it is hard to feel loved. 

Regretting being this way would only bring him more pain. When the whole world is against you, you have to trust the people that support you. And so he would.

He knew, that even if Arthur had decided to banish him, he would have survived it and made his way through life. He would have grieved the loss of the person that was so close to him, but he would have accepted it and fought for a better life in Camelot. 

Arthur’s acceptance or any other person’s acceptance were not crucial to him accepting himself. But they helped him along the way and he would be lying if he said it did not bring tears to his eyes to finally have Arthur’s reassurance. 

The magic was thrumming under his skin, emotions loud in his mind. There were stars in his heart and he hoped with all of his being that Arthur would be able to feel how grateful he was. 

It was almost overwhelming, the warmth of his feelings spreading through his body. His eyes, half-lidded, met Arthur’s once again. He wanted nothing more than to live in this moment forever. Away from his duties, away from his problems, just Arthur and him. Just them, as it was destined. It would always be them. It would always be Arthur. 

“You should really work on being less self-sacrificing though and learn how to better hide your magic, your eyes are doing...something?” Arthur remarked, squinting a little and pointing at Merlin’s eyes with his free hand. "You've been doing this the past few days a lot."

Merlin blinked. All the staring finally made sense. He blinked again, face contorting into a smile. “You ruined the moment!” There was no real bite to the comment, more of a playfulness that filled the air. 

Arthur laughed. AGAIN. AT MERLIN. The amount of times he was being laughed at by the royal pratt had reached a ridiculous level and personally, Merlin thought it was quite rude, especially considering that Arthur KNEW how many times Merlin had saved him. 

And then Arthur leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

… 

Alright, maybe, just maybe, he would allow Arthur to keep laughing at him if it meant he would get more kisses. 

And maybe, this wasn't his escape from the past. He already knew this was his new life, his fresh start, but maybe it could be about more than just survival. 

It would be hard, but maybe it could be a story about acceptance and unconditional love. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah im gay and they deserve to be happy but i also like talking about how sometimes life is a little lonely


End file.
